What it means to be happy
by UnamedFreak
Summary: A story of how Quistis and Squall came to be, told in three movements from Rinoa's perspective. Starts off Rinoa/Squall, Ends with Quistis/Squall
1. The Past

Disclaimers: Not mine

Author's notes: Tenses confuse me sometimes. Quistis only makes a small cameo in this chapter but she will be featured more prominently in the next.

* * *

_And they lived happily ever after_.

Rinoa smiled at that thought and leaned into Squall's chest as he tightened his hold around her waist. It was a nice night in Fisherman's Horizon, the island breeze cool and calm against her skin. Squall ran his fingers up and down her arm absently, sending shivers down her spine even though it was a warm, humid night on the docks.

Catching his hands and entwining her fingers with his, she looked into his steely grey eyes and asked the question that had been on her mind since the first day of their vacation.

"Are you happy Squall?"

He squeezed her fingers and planted a kiss on a forehead.

"Yes."

* * *

The vacation had been Quistis' idea. She'd convinced Headmaster Cid that Squall deserved a break before he took over the position of the new SEED Commander.

"After all, he saved the Garden _and_ the entire fate of mankind," was her argument. She had also volunteered to fill in the position while he was on leave.

Cid couldn't say no to that offer and gave him a one month break much to Rinoa's delight.

In the initial stages of their trip, Squall had been awkward and stoic; Rinoa assumed that he had never been on a proper vacation before. He wore his leather jacket and boots to the beach and carried his gunblade with him.

Eventually, after much persuasion she managed to convince him to take of the jacket and walk on the sand barefoot.

Squall and Rinoa spent their days walking on the beaches hand-in-hand as most new lovers do; Rinoa doing the talking and Squall the listening with a barely noticeable smile on his face. At nights, they would sit in silence at the docks, wrapped in each other's arms.

It was pure bliss.

* * *

She can tell that he is getting restless as the month came to a close. It would seem like he is always in a daze whenever she talked to him.

When she lies next to him at night, she could almost _feel_ his mind turning, working on different strategies to better the Garden.

He had also started wielding the gunblade again; she had caught him practicing his swings on the beach before dawn. She would ask him to go back to sleep and his response always be, "Just another minute."

She would not see him again until breakfast.

When they walk past a public phone, she could see his eyes lingering a little too long on the machine. He thinks that she doesn't notice it so he gives her a small smile and pretends to listen when she talks.

It was at that moment when she finally understands that in Squall's list of priorities, she would always be behind the Garden.

But she is happy, and so is he.

For now.

* * *

Streamers were pouring down on them as they walked into the main gates. Rinoa is 99 sure Selphie organised the welcoming party that greeted them.

"Welcome back!"

And she was right.

Selphie, complete with a party hat, bounced out of the bushes and gave them both a hug. Even with all the commotion around them, Rinoa knows that Squall is relieved to be back. If he was anything like Zell, he would be bouncing by the balls of his feet in excitement now.

But Squall is Squall. He stands steadfastly next to her as she greeted and waved at her friends, muttering an occasional "thanks" or "hello".

Amidst the excited chatter, Rinoa sees that his lips are set in a firm line and his eyes clouded over; a sign that he is conflicted with something. She didn't need to ask him what it was, she knows him well enough.

"Where's Quistis?"

At the mention of Quistis' name, Squall turns to Rinoa and smiles appreciatively. Her heart skips a beat, as it always does when she receives his rare smiles.

"Quistis? She's pretty tied up in the office at the moment with some work stuff. Says she will catch up with us later," Selphie shrugged.

Squall nod his thanks and turns his attention back to the adoring crowd, seemingly satisfied with the answer. From the way his right hand tightened around the handle of his gunblade and his fists clenching, Rinoa knows that he is anxious. She stands on tiptoes and whispers into his ear.

"Go."

Then, ignoring the cat-calls and wolf whistles, she pecked his cheek. Squall smiles and turns to leave.

She couldn't help but notice that he did not hesitate to leave her as soon as duty calls and her smile falters.

_Always second_.

* * *

"Aw! Do you have to leave so soon?" Zell whined one week later as he helped her load the bags into the buggy. Rinoa ruffles his hair and says yes, she has to because the General wants her home.

Granted, she and her dad don't have a great relationship but he says he is willing to try if she does.

Her one week in the Garden had been uneventful. Selphie, Zell and Irvine kept her company when Squall is occupied, which is almost always because he had to catch up with lost time. But he tries; he makes sure they have a dinner date every night, just the two of them and she is happy with that.

Tapping her feet on the ground, she waited for Squall; seems that she has been doing that a lot lately. Other people had said their goodbyes and gone.

Everyone except Squall.

He finally caught up with her fifteen minutes later and handed her a red rose apologetically. All the doubts she had evaporated with that simple gesture.

Not caring if Zell was watching, she pulled him down for a kiss. Squall responded more enthusiastically than what she'd expected; wrapping his arms around her waist and deepening the kiss.

At the end of it, breathless and face was flushed red from happiness, Rinoa said her goodbye.

With his arms still on her waist, Squall pecked her on the lips on last time and promised that he will visit soon. He waved as the buggy left the parking lot, never stopping until she finally lost sight of him.

Five minutes into the ride, Rinoa looked wistfully into the rose in her hands.

She wonders if Squall knows that white lilies, not roses, are her favourite flowers.


	2. The Present

Disclaimer: Not mine

Author's notes: 2/3 done. Thanks for the reviews! I inserted one of my favourite lines from my favourite movie of all time, "Casablanca" at the end. It seems fitting.

* * *

_It's always easier in the books_.

"Has he called yet?" Rinoa asked her housekeeper who was busy dusting the vases in the living room. Esmeralda gave her a pitying smile and shook her head slowly. Dejected, Rinoa slumped against the cushy seat.

She had not heard from Squall for a week. At the beginning, the calls were frequent; once every other day but their conversation over the phone was always curt and formal. Then, the calls stopped altogether.

He sends her letters, each with a meaningless trinket attached to it; a brooch, a pair of earrings, a seashell. Squall signs off each letter with the same endnote, _I will see you soon_.

But he hasn't.

Rinoa nearly jumps out of her skin when phone rings. She trips on the coffee table in her haste to pick the phone up.

She smiles wide, as though Squall was watching her. "Squall?"

"It's Quistis,"

Her heart sunk. _Did something happen?_

"Squall says he is sorry he can't make it to the phone. But he says he will see you soon."

_Of course he did._

* * *

Eventually, she did see him at her father's party. Their eyes meeting across the room as he walked down the stairs; it was like a replay of their first meeting, him in his SEED uniform and she in her white dress, except that this time, he came in arm-in-arm with Quistis.

Rinoa's stomach churned at the sight; he did not even notice her.

_This must be what they call jealousy_.

Adding to her displeasure, the jovial events master announced into the microphone, "May we invite Commander Leonhart and Instructor Trepe to the dance floor for the first dance?"

From a distance, Rinoa saw that Squall looked appalled at the idea of dancing and Quistis studied him with a bemused smile on her face.

Her stomach churned again when she saw Quistis leaning over to whisper something into Squall's ear; blue eyes twinkling merrily. Much to Rinoa's surprise, Squall nods stiffly and started making his way in her direction.

He stands in front of her, proud and tall in his SEED uniform, and offers his hand. Rinoa takes it without hesitation and leaded him to the dance floor.

"I missed you," Rinoa whispers as they danced. Squall says nothing but he tightened his hold around her waist and places his chin on her head.

Rinoa pretends she doesn't see that his eyes were on Quistis, who was in deep conversation with a handsome, foreign dignitary from Esthar, throughout the dance.

_He came to see me_.

* * *

"Stay," Rinoa tells him the next morning.

Squall avoids making eye contact with her. "I can't. The Garden needs me."

She grabs his wrist, her voice pleading, "We hardly talk anymore."

"I'm sorry," Squall says, and kisses her forehead tenderly.

"Squall, stay with Rinoa," Quistis interrupts. As if on reflex, Squall wrenched his wrist free when he heard Quistis' voice. He looks at her questioningly.

"I talked to Cid before we came. You can have the week off."

"…the Garden?"

"I can take care of it. You stay here and spend time with Rinoa," Quistis says in a stern voice. Rinoa smiles at her appreciatively and mouthed 'thanks'.

"Cid says that it is an _order_," she said again after noticing Squall's dubious expression.

For once, Rinoa is thankful that Squall is a soldier, because a good soldier _always_ follows orders.

* * *

Rinoa woke up with a start when she heard the shrill ring of the phone. Beside her, Squall stirs and mumbles something under his breath.

The voice over the phone was high-pitched and spoke gibberish.

"Selphie?" Rinoa said sleepily, rubbing her tired eyes, "You have to slow down. I can't understand you."

When Selphie finally calmed down and gave her the news, Rinoa nodded solemnly and placed the phone back to its cradle.

Squall was now fully awake, switching on to his Commander persona, "What did she want?"

Rinoa turns to him guiltily and placed a comforting arm on his back.

"It's about Quistis."

She had never seen Squall looking so alarmed.

* * *

They stand outside the infirmary while waiting for an update on Quistis' condition. Rinoa sees that Squall was gripping the arm rest so tight that his knuckles were white. She places her hand on his fist in an attempt to reassure him.

"It's not your fault," she whispers even though she knows he is not listening.

Rinoa knows him well; he will carry the burden of Quistis' injury on his shoulders because she'd been on one of _his _missions.

Squall had not spoken a word on the whole journey back to the Garden. He paced back and forth the waiting room for a while before plunking himself onto the cushy sofa next to Rinoa.

She tried; she really did. All her efforts were futile and the only way for him to cheer up is to see Quistis up and about again.

"Commander Leonhart?"

Squall stood up in full attention when Dr.Kadowaki walked out of Quistis' room.

His shoulders tensed when he notices the doctor's sombre face, "How is she?"

"When the explosives went off, she managed to duck out on time. Unfortunately, the metal debris from the explosion caught her off guard. She was lucky that it didn't impale her."

Rinoa sees Squall's shoulders sag slightly when he processed the news. She squeezed his hands out of relief.

"She has a couple bruised ribs, some shallow cuts and a minor concussion but with proper treatment and bed rest, she should be fine."

"Can I see her?"

"Yes."

Without another word, Squall pulled his hands out of hers and made his way to Quistis' in large, hurried strides.

She stands alone in the waiting room, like a ghost.

_Always second._

* * *

Rinoa sniffed the bouquet of roses, savouring the sweet smell. "What do you think she likes?"

It was her idea to come to the gift shop; she wanted to pick some flowers to brighten up Quistis' dreary room. Squall had reluctantly agreed to leave Quistis' bedside to accompany her on the shopping trip.

Squall shrugs at her question and turned his attention back to a novelty balloon. Rinoa sighed at his response and continued browsing.

"Blue irises," he muttered to himself all of a sudden.

She looked at him strangely; Squall knows about flowers?

As if in a trance, he methodically picked out the bouquet that consists the bluest irises and paid for it at the counter.

"Quistis' favourite," he says with a slight smile at the bouquet in his hands, noticing Rinoa's befuddled expression.

A red rose appeared in front of her nose. "Here," Squall offered, "I got this for you."

She accepts it graciously even though she knows he bought it as an afterthought.

_Always an afterthought._

* * *

Rinoa stands alone outside, her fingers playing with the ring around her neck. Through the glass observation window, she sees Quistis and Squall in a heated argument; Quistis' face red with rage and Squall scowling angrily at her.

Quistis says something and brushed Squall's hair out of his face and he calmed somewhat, but his shoulders were slumped.

Squall nods slightly when Quistis gives him an apologetic look, she pats his hands gently. He smiles quietly at her and stood up to leave.

It was then something clicked in Rinoa's head; something that she had known of for a long time but was blinded over by the illusion of a fairy tale ending to acknowledge.

* * *

"Squall, we need to talk."

Squall looked up from his dinner plate questioningly. Rinoa fidgets on her seat, she'd always found it hard to say something when he looks at her that way. Her fingers clenched around the ring in her palms, the cold metal digging into her skin.

Steeling her will, she reached across the table and placed the ring in front of him.

He stares at it, not knowing how to react. "What's going on?"

"I'm…," Rinoa hesitated to find the right words, "I can't do this anymore."

Tilting his head slightly in confusion, he takes the ring and pushed it back to her. "I gave this to you."

She sighed. She always thought that Squall was dense, but this is a whole new level, even for him. "Squall, you are in love with Quistis."

"No," he denies.

"You probably don't notice it yourself, but I do. Every look you share, every little thing you do for her adds up in the end," she explains.

In a moment of silence, he contemplated her words before shaking his head as if trying to rid himself of his thoughts. "But I want to be with you."

"I don't want you to be with me because you feel like you are obliged to," she says sadly, squeezing his hands tenderly, "I don't want to be feel like I am second."

Rinoa picks up the ring and placed it onto his palm, his fingers closed around it instinctively.

Squall moves his gaze from the red tablecloth to her eyes. "So this is it then?"

She nods and wills herself not to cry.

He leans over and kisses her lips gently; fitting for a last kiss.

"I'll always be your friend," she whispers into his lips as she stood up to leave. Rinoa sees him hesitate to let her hands go.

"Squall, if you don't leave me now and be with her, you will regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."

Realisation seemed to dawn him when she spoke those words, he released her and kissed her forehead one final time before turning around to leave; never once looking back.

Rinoa allows herself to break down then.

_It's the right thing to do_, she repeats to herself like a mantra.


	3. The Future

Disclaimer: Not mine

Author's notes: The end! Thanks for all the reviews. I hope that you enjoyed the fic.

* * *

"Hey."

Rinoa did not need to look the person in the eye to find out who it was. She would recognise the voice even if she was in a coma. In fact, she is surprised that she did not run into him sooner.

Turning around to greet him, she nodded her head amicably. "Squall."

"You look good," he says with a tiny smile.

"You too," she said, meaning it.

His hair is considerably shorter than the last time they saw each other and he'd obtained a slight tan through his missions and travels.

_Rules be damned._

Rinoa smiles warmly at him and engulfed him in a tight hug. She notices that he returned it uncomfortably; he probably did not anticipate a hug.

When she finally releases him, they stood in the middle of the hallway in silence as if waiting for each other to make the first move. Rinoa had never expected their meeting to be _this_ awkward.

"So…"

"So…"

They both started at the same time.

She giggled and gestured for him to continue. "You go first."

"Um, congratulations on your engagement," Squall says with a pat on her back.

Grinning at his clumsy gesture, she nods her head enthusiastically. "So you heard?"

"Selphie told us."

Rinoa fiddled with the ring on her finger; she did not expect the news to get out so fast, but if Selphie found out the whole Garden would have heard by now. Which probably explains why she got strange looks while roaming around.

For some reason, Rinoa felt that she owed Squall more than a confirmation. "He's a nice person. We met through some family friends."

"Ah."

"He gives me stability," she said, swallowing the rest of her words, _which you could never do_.

"I am happy for you," he says, and she sees that he really means it. Something in her heart stirred when she finally realises that he has moved on.

Another moment of silence followed his statement and Rinoa couldn't help but wonder if they always acted like strangers around each other.

"And how are things with Quistis?"

Squall seems taken aback by that question, but he composed himself quickly. "We are…," he paused while trying to pick the correct words, "…taking things slow."

She notices that his ring was visibly absent around his neck, where it always was before they were together.

"Good," she mutters, more to herself than to him, "That's good."

Shifting his weight from foot to another, he looks at his watch and his eyes widened slightly.

"I am sorry, I have to go," he apologised, "But I will catch up with you later."

Rinoa knows that he is going to see _her_, she shakes her head from side to side and smiles at him. "Mm, it's okay. It's great catching up with you."

Turning on his heels quickly, he made his way to the cafeteria in large, hurried steps.

Rinoa chews on her bottom lip in deep contemplation before calling out after him.

_I have to know_.

"Squall!"

He stopped and turns when he heard his name.

"Are you happy?" she asked the same question in the same tone that she used long time ago in Fisherman's horizon; in his arms.

Squall paused and looked out the courtyards. She knows that he is picturing Quistis. Rinoa sees a smile growing on his face; the same smile that was once meant for her and her alone.

He answered in a definitive, final tone. "Yes."

Rinoa grins back at him with a nod of her head. Squall waves at her and makes his way to the Quistis; with the smile still evident on his lips.

_And they lived happily ever after._


End file.
